Girl Fight Tonight!
by tkelparis
Summary: This probably counts as a crack!fic, as some call that genre. Basically, this is what happens when I get bored and think about 80s music and CI at the same time. It's Alex vs. Nicole for Bobby! What do you think happens?


Title: Crazy Night

Author: Kendra Crispin

Rating: T (fighting, language, innuendo)

Genre: Humor, OOC

Disclaimer: Even with the changes of this season, we'd never see anything like this happening.

Author's Note: This is something I've had on the back burner for a while. I guess it came from what I noticed when doing a little research for "The Chameleon." Strictly a crazy story for Halloween that I had to get out of my system.

Summary: Bobby's having a very bad night, but someone comes to his rescue. Don't expect even a hint of seriousness from this.

For all his imagination, Bobby never thought anything like this would happen to him. He was careful. He always watched his drink, and his back. So how the hell was he tied to a chair on Halloween night?

"I've waited a long time for this, Bobby."

Bobby tensed. The worst part of the whole thing... "You of all people," he said, staring hard at his captor, "should be against anything forced."

Nicole merely smiled. "Come on, Bobby." She circles his chair slowly, hands loosely clasped in front of her. "I know that, despite all your talk of being a 'good person,' you want me."

His stomach rebelled against his belly. Aloud, he scoffed. "You're wrong about me. I knew you were a killer before I even met you, and I don't like killers."

She shrugged. "I was exonerated."

"Failed to be convicted. There's a difference, and Gavin knew it."

Nicole bristled slightly. That was still a painful subject. Shaking her head, she stopped and faced him. "It doesn't matter." She grinned with naked predatory hunger. "I have you where I want you, and you will enjoy it."

"Back off, Devil's Sister."

Eames! Bobby's eyes whip toward her voice, but not letting Nicole's hands out of his sight. Please be prepared, he prayed.

How did she find me so quickly? Nicole's eyes narrowed, but she didn't step away. "Are you alone, Detective?"

"I've brought all I need: my hands." Alex stepped into the dim light, glaring daggers at her partner's enemy.

Bobby's eyelid part further and his jaw drops. Covered from the neck down in black leather and with black boots adding a few inches to her height, Alex Eames looked a like biker chick ready for a brawl. He remembered that outfit from one investigation; his mind wouldn't forget it.

Nicole sneered, not moving. "Oh, you care about him?"

Alex snorted as she walked forward. A wicked grin crossed her face. "I care when someone hurts my partner. You're past due to go."

"Are those eggs yearning for insemination? Are you regretting giving up your so-called nephew?"

Bobby kept his eyes moving between the women, wondering what his partner had in mind. And why didn't she have backup?

"I'll see him grow up, marry, and have kids of his own. I can still marry and have my own family. That's what normal people do, and a normal life is not for you."

Nicole tensed, her heart seizing. She forced a laugh. "How can you think you'll find someone? You're totally unfeminine. That husband of yours was a lucky break."

Alex laughed heartily, strolling closer when she can tell her opponent is unarmed. "Tell that to the guys in Vice who I had to beat off with a stick. The hookers hated me 'cause I was so much prettier than they were. Or ask some of the perps I've put away." She fixed Nicole's eyes with her own, and pressed on. "My beauty is understated and complemented by dressing appropriately for my age. In an age of flashiness, some guys find that irresistible. No man worth having wants a woman with no class."

"You're one of the boys," Nicole snapped, not realizing that she stepped back.

Alex kept grinning. I'm getting to her, she knew. She kept going forward.

Not paying any attention to her feet, Nicole frowns. "What man likes short hair?"

"One who likes how it brushes against my neck," she retorts, getting closer to Bobby. "Or how it makes my arms and shoulders available for viewing."

Nicole scoffed. "Really?"

Bobby was impressed that Alex, with her tone and posture, pushed Nicole away from him. The twinges in his bely faded, but the twitters of his heart didn't stop. He couldn't count on Nicole not having a trick up her sleeves.

Nicole stopped, and smiled confidently. "Bobby would never want you."

"I trust her," he interrupts, determined to destroy his enemy somehow and feeling more confident with his partner helping. "And she'd never let me get away with anything, never leave me."

Nicole laughed sharply. "How do you know that?"

"Because I stayed with him through some of his worst moments." Alex touched Bobby's shoulder, cementing the idea into Nicole's mind. Sliding her hand further down, she added, "I had him long before you ever met him."

Bobby's breath caught in his throat, and he tried to not tremble at the sensations gathering below his belt. He'd pretended to be within inches of being all over her, but this was **too** real.

Nicole tensed over Alex's hand's path. She screamed and charged.

But Alex sidestepped and tripped her before Bobby could try moving. The next thing he knew, Nicole was flat on her back. Alex's right knee and foot were shoved against Nicole's chest, flattening one of her claims to looks. Her other leg was crushing Nicole's throat, cutting off her air supply. Then Bobby heard the sounds of Nicole's arms being twisted.

What had happened to the woman he knew as his partner?

"Now do you have an idea how your daughter felt?" Alex's voice was lethal and quiet, chilling Bobby to his bones.

Only choking sounds escaped Nicole's flattening throat. Then another crack came from her body, but the pain was fading.

Alex jumped off, and stood, watching her quarry. "I believe I heard your spine breaking. Looks like you'll be paralyzed for life. Lucky us; you'll never hurt anyone again." Her eyes glowed with satisfaction as she went to release Bobby from the chair. "At least you had the decency to leave his clothes intact."

Bobby's nervousness increased, even when he could finally stand up. He had no idea that anger could drive his partner to this. Hell, he had no idea she cared that much. "What now?"

"I have a friend who's on the way. She'll take care of Nicole. I don't see her surviving the night, and there won't be forensic evidence worth collecting." She looks back at the motionless, wide-eyed figure. "The city can forget about her. After all, she might've been an escape artist, but she's no Q."

It was over at last, Bobby realized. Sighing, he shook his head. "Goodbye, Nicole." He decided he might as well trust his partner, so he didn't have to have anything to do with Nicole ever again.

Pleased, Alex led him outside, away from the broken creature who couldn't think beyond facing death.

Bobby watched their surroundings as they went to the SUV. He didn't recognize this part of town. No wonder she remained hidden for so long. Then he felt his partner's eyes on him. "What?"

Alex smirked, looking him over. "I don't let people take what's mine."

What the-

Bobby felt his hand hit something, and blinked. Wait a minute, he was home, on the couch, and had a bad headache. He glanced at his wrists. No ligature marks. The table has an empty tequila bottle and two glasses. Where did that come from?

A rustling from the other side of the room alerted him to his partner's presence. She was sleeping, looking like she might've gotten buzzed herself.

Then he came fully back to reality, and repressed a groan. This was the last time he was drinking while listening to Eames' crazy 80s music collection.

THE END


End file.
